First Night Apart

Last night was the first night in 493 days that I wasn’t there. 493 nights of nursing you to sleep, of saying good night, of those super sweet quiet, end-of-the-day baby snuggles. It’s admittedly the biggest reason I haven’t done this yet, taken a break. Taken a night off. It feels selfish when you are this little. I know now at the end of this day that there was nothing selfish about it at all and I desperately needed the recharge more than I even knew but at the end of a nice relaxing day there was some sadness that I wasn’t there to lay you down last night. Having that connection point every day with another human being is unmatched and like nothing I’ve ever experienced.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how much longer I will breastfeed and I keep coming back to a neutral space where I really dont’ know. My goal was to make it a year, I didn’t really give any thought to what it would look like past that if I did make it to the year but here we are 16 months into our breastfeeding journey and I don’t want it to end. So just taking it one day at a time and letting you decide my little snugglebug.