Happy Birthday Snuggle Bug

I have written on every one of my kid’s birthdays because as a foster adoptive mom they have always seemed like heavier more emotional days. They are days of celebration but also of sadness for me. Today, as I celebrate my biological child’s birthday, it feels different and yet the same. I have spent a year working on accepting the way his birth played out and while I still have work to do, I now find myself at more peace with it. But even on a happy day there is still a little bit of sadness for me. And here is the thing, that’s ok. I was recently presented with the idea that grief and gratitude can exist in the same space, something we aren’t really taught is a thing. It suits how I feel about his birth day but also the birthdays of my other kids, especially as a foster adoptive mom. While it is ok for both of those things to co-exist, today I am choosing just one, because I haven’t had the opportunity to celebrate my children’s birthdays without a heavy heart in the past and I want today to be different. So here it is….

1 year old!! I got to live every single day of the last 365 days with you with no doubt or worry, no black spaces, no heavy heart, just 365 days of pure gratitude for this tiny little human we created that completed our family. You are happy pretty much all the time, loud ( I assume to be heard over your brothers), smart beyond your year and an old soul that everyone who meets you can see and feel. Your looks are all dad for sure but you no doubt got your momma's love of the water. Looks like you are going to be a foodie like your oldest brother and an observer like your other brother. You seem to be unphased by the chaos which keeps me grounded in motherhood. Happy Birthday my not so little snuggle bug! Today I am celebrating you and our birth day.