“No”. Is A Complete Sentence
“No.” is a complete sentence.
I was told that phrase over and over again years ago when I was drowning in my business and saying yes to literally everything that came my way, personally and professionally, and was burnt out beyond being burnt out. I'm a people pleaser on top of being someone who wants to do everything, so "no" doesn't come naturally to me. Over the years I've gotten better about it though; it's become an essential part of my overall well-being and my general self-care. But just like with anything in life, you need to be reminded sometimes. This is me reminding myself that "No." is a complete sentence.
I sit here...once again, beaten down and feeling exhausted. But this time it's different. Sure there is the physical exhaustion with working a full-time job, and running a business on the side, with the addition of a toddler, and a husband now, but that's not it. This exhaustion is different. It's mental and emotional exhaustion I've never experienced before. And I think most people would agree that's how they feel currently as well after the last year we've had. This past year has tested all of us in ways we could have never imagined, but here's the thing...it's different for me. I'm not exhausted by having to wear a mask everywhere I go, or check my temp when I walk into work.
I'm exhausted because I feel like I am constantly having to explain to friends, family, patients, and random strangers why my family is choosing not to get vaccinated. I've stayed relatively silent on social media during this past year because I know that my feelings and opinions are not the popular ones, and honestly, I don't have the energy anymore to defend them; though I know I can very well. Here's the thing though..."No." is a complete sentence. When someone asks me if I am getting vaccinated, or if I have been vaccinated, the simple answer is "No". Yet, it's always followed up with "why not?” Yet, if someone says they are choosing to get vaccinated, no one asks them why? They don't have to give a list of explanations, it's just somehow acceptable. You guys, being on the other side of this is exhausting. And then there is the overwhelming sadness I feel for my friends and family that have chosen to get vaccinated. Some of them have asked my opinion, which I happily gave till I was blue in the face, and others not, which is also totally ok, but my heart is breaking for so many people that I love so dearly. I hope that I am wrong about this vaccine. I hope that despite not being tested for impairment of fertility that it doesn't leave my friends sterile who desperately want to have children. I hope that it doesn't worsen already existing autoimmune disorders in those suffering, or activate autoimmune disorders that were previously dormant. I pray that this drug doesn't feed cancer cells or shorten lifespans. I pray that everyone who followed suit doesn't have to pay with their health.
I want to make it very clear that I truly believe that everyone has the right to choose what is right for them and their families. No one knows what the right answer is, so I do not judge anyone who has chosen to get the vaccine because they believe it's the right thing to do, but in return, I want the same respect. I want the same right to choose without question or judgment. I want "No." to be an acceptable, complete answer.
I work in the healthcare field, so I had the option fairly early on to get vaccinated and choose not to. It was immediately met with shame and disapproval from the medical director where I work, followed by what I assumed was severe peer pressure to "do what is best for our patients". My reasons for choosing not to get the vaccine were very clearly, professionally, and I think very eloquently articulated to this person, who then responded with "well I hope you are keeping an open mind." So, because my opinion didn't align with his, I was considered the close-minded one, oh the hypocrisy...when I could say the same of him because he didn't agree with me...moreover...he wasn't open-minded to any information other than what he was fed as a doctor by the corporation he works for and what the media told him. These types of conversations day after day for months have worn me down in a way I could have never expected. I feel things very deeply, and when I'm passionate about something, I'm super feisty, and usually very loud about it. (You guys, you should feel very bad for my husband). This year though, I have played it relatively quiet. I don't want my friends to feel judged. I don't want to shame anyone into making a decision they aren't comfortable with. I don't want to make anyone feel the way a lot of people have made me feel about my personal health choice, so I've stayed quiet, even though I have a lot to say but for now, I will simply say "No.”
Just this week, while at the pediatricians' office I was yet again met with the same situation when asked about vaccinating my child. When I said "No, we will not be doing that one today", it was met with "Why not?" and “Let me just tell you that if you don't..." The reasons she provided were not even good valid medical ones in my opinion but that's irrelevant. As a mom I was shamed to think I needed to present a list of reasons, and I don't. The answer is "No.” I'm strong enough in my convictions to say “No.” and no longer feel the need to define why, but after every experience like this, I am left wondering how many moms are pressured into decisions by their doctors that they don't want to make? How many adults have been pressured into getting a covid vaccine because their company "required" it, or because they felt pressured by the media, or friends, or family, or coworkers? How many people end up saying "Yes." to something because someone didn't think "No." was a good enough answer?
I’m here to remind you that "No." is a complete sentence. And just not in regards to your health care decisions, but in anything in life. “No.” is enough.
This blog post was actually written a few weeks ago but it’s taken me some time to decide if I was going to actually share it. I know I will strike a nerve with some people, I may even lose followers and I’m ok with that. While not something I have shared on this page (until now) I am what you would consider an anti-vaxxer. Something I haven’t spoken much about and truthfully probably won’t. While I feel very strongly on the subject that’s not why I created this blog. It was created to share an honest look at what being a foster parent is really about, my love of food and nutrition, and a glimpse into my life as a foster mom, dietitian, professional photographer, and everything in between.
In the weeks following when this was written, I’ve been trying my best to let a lot of my frustration over this topic go. It’s a work in progress, like most things are, especially in these very strange times we are currently living in but I’m working on it. I also wanted to note that I have since switched pediatricians to one that more closely aligns with my health beliefs for our child and I couldn’t be happier. The pressure at work has pretty much disappeared along with all of the hype about the vaccine in general so I feel like my world got a little quieter but I still thought this was relevant to share.