What I Really Want For Mother’s Day
I'm going to have the unpopular opinion on this one (which is usually the case for me) but I've seen post after post, whether a meme, or a full-blown blog post, about "what moms really want for mothers day is a day by themselves". Don't get me wrong...a whole day to myself sounds amazing. A real day to myself. Not one where I still have to get up with the baby in the morning, or one where I have to run errands but they just don't include a baby in tow, but a full day to do whatever I want completely by myself. I honestly don't know what I would do with such a day. Probably hit up a local coffee shop for breakfast and a fancy latte, camp out for a bit with my laptop in tow for some writing time. Go to the beach and read a book for fun while I get a tan and take a long walk, followed by a nice dinner with a craft cocktail.
Sounds pretty good right? But here's the thing...what I want on Mother's day is a day with my kid. I want a day filled with extra snuggles by the little guy that made me a mom. I want a day filled with baby giggles and new words and maybe even a cute baby eye roll after he says "no" back to me when I tell him "no". I want a whole day with my kid to just enjoy my kid, to enjoy being a mom without having to think about making dinner or doing laundry. A fully uninterrupted day being a mom. That makes sense to me. Now don't get me wrong, that whole day to myself to relax thing sounds really glorious too, but why do we encourage dads and husbands and family's to give that to moms on Mother's day of all days? Why not a random Saturday in July? Or a day between Thanksgiving and Christmas when the stress of life seems even greater?
Our day-to-day life is insane, as I imagine it is for most families, for most moms. While it's easy at the end of those long days, long weeks, to say we need a break from our kids...is it really our kids we need a break from? Or all the other responsibilities we have on top of our children? I know for me it's the latter. What I want is more time with my kid, more time with my husband, not time away from them. Now, there is no judgment towards moms who want that, I get it, I really do and if the mom in your life is one of those people, make sure she gets what she wants, but maybe consider that the exhaustion of being a mom has very little to do with actually spending time with our kids.
With all that said, Mother's day means so many different things to so many people. It's a weird holiday for me. When I celebrated my first Mother's day as a mom last year, it was filled with all kinds of emotions (you can read about that here) but this year feels different for a lot of reasons. Last year I was still on the fence about even being called mom, and now...well needless to say, no longer on the fence. Quite the opposite actually. I'm waiting every day for little man to call me mom. For the record, there was a very short period of time where I swore he was calling me mom-i, but lately nothing. He says "dada" very clearly and about 30 other words at this point. Some even two-word phrases like "bless you" but still no "mommy” just yet. It's ok. I know it will be extra sweet when it finally becomes part of his day-to-day vocabulary, but I'm still waiting.
But that's not the only thing I'm waiting for this Mother's Day. I'm waiting to hopefully become a biological mom too, not just a foster mom. We've been trying for a bit now, and all I can say is, mad props to people who struggle with infertility for years, because I just don't know how they do it. I'm also waiting to become an adoptive mom, not just a foster mom. Our case is finally moving towards adoption, which is super exciting, equally terrifying, and oh so emotionally exhausting.
Just this past month, little mans' biological mom's rights were terminated. While it is what we think is in his best interest it's been a heavy thing to process. Someone lost their rights to their child and my child lost his mother. And someday I have to tell him about her. And on this mother's day, and I'm sure many after this, I will think about her. I will be thankful for her because without her there would be no him, but I will be sad for her and sad for him. That's a lot for a single day meant to celebrate moms. But I know for me I want to celebrate by hugging my kiddo extra tight and spending hours playing with him without feeling guilty about the mail piled up or the house not cleaned. I want to spend it celebrating being a mom, in whatever form that is.