One Call That Changed It All
A year ago today I got the phone call that changed my life. Sounds dramatic, sure but it's true. A year ago today I got the call about little man and within just a few hours they dropped this adorable little baby off at my door and guys that was it. My life changed forever. That adorable little baby made me a mom that day. It's kind of like celebrating your biological kids' birthdays I would imagine. The day they came into your life, the day you met your child, the day you became a mom, the day your life changed forever because of this little human. Well, today is that day for me. We celebrated his birthday 2 weeks ago which was amazing but this day, this day is so much bigger, so much more important, so much more emotional for me.
It's crazy that just one phone call can change your whole life. For those of you who aren't foster parents let me paint you a little picture of what that looks like. You spend months ( for me just about year total) to become a foster parent between classes and home studies and background checks and then once you are licensed the phone starts to ring…and you guys it rings a LOT. A few times a week for sure, sometimes a few times a day. Mostly in the middle of the night because sadly that's when children are removed from their homes. You are told to answer it always even if you can't take a child. I was so excited I of course answered every phone call. My first call…. 11 pm, 3 siblings ages 5, 9, and 11. I had to say no. I prepared to take a single child newborn to 3 years old and I was told to stick to what you had planned no matter how hard it is to say no. So at 11 pm, for the first time, I had to say no. I didn't get much sleep that night, wondering where those 3 kids ended up, wondering where they spent the night, wondering if they were scared with no answers. It's so hard to say no. But the next day there was another phone call, followed by a few days of silence and then another day of phone calls. All for older sibling sets. Each call harder to say no to. I'd get off the call and try and convince myself I could take these kids, even though I knew I wasn't equipped on any level. So I went about my life, went on a trip, did my normal weekends, trying my best not to over cram my schedule just in case a little one found their way here. Weeks went by and then I got a call one afternoon around 2 pm. The placement person said, "I know you were looking to foster girls but we have a baby boy needing placement". My heart started to flutter and my hands started to shake. I told them I needed 2 minutes and would call them back. I hung up and called my best friend Alyse, also a foster mom, and asked if I should do it and she told me to "hang up and call them back before someone else says yes". Here's the thing guys babies in foster care are super easy to place. Everyone wants a baby. Their cases are usually simpler, they don't usually have siblings, they don't have behavior issues so placement doesn't typically have to make a lot of calls to find them homes. I called them back and said yes. I asked for a little more information about him. They were able to give me his name and that's pretty much it. I got a very brief comment about why he was being removed and that was it. (I have chosen not to share his story as to why he ended up in care because it's not my story to tell. It will eventually one day be his if he chooses so, for now, that is private). I asked how long till I should expect him and they said someone would call me in about half hour. Well, 2 anxious hours later I finally got a call and was told to expect him in about an hour. He arrived around 6 that night.
Those few hours felt like the longest of my life. Maybe how labor feels for those mommas about to meet their little ones for the first time, who knows. I spent the time going through the bins of newborn clothes I had to pull out whatever was gender-neutral from the sea of pinks and purples. ( I had planned to only foster girls remember…you can read more about that here) and basically paced my house while I messaged all of my friends and family to share the news that I was finally getting a placement.
The transporter pulled up to the house with the tiniest 6# sleeping baby with a full head of hair. I was handed a small backpack with a few diapers, one outfit, a few sample bottles of formula, and asked to sign a piece of paper, and then she was gone. The whole exchange took less than 5 minutes and she was gone and I had this little tiny person in my house and my heart. Not at all what I had every thought becoming a mom would look like …but somehow better. We face timed my parents, my 2 best friends, and then took a bath. He was an angel that night. Super sweet, very quiet baby.
And that was it. On September 24th, 2019 I woke up not a mom and went to bed a mom. He has changed me in every way having a kid changes you and then some. This child has opened my heart in a way I never knew. I told myself I was going to write that day and didn't. Didn't write for weeks after that because you know…newborn baby and all. But this morning as I sit here writing this watching him play in the high chair as he does every morning while I make my coffee and pack lunches for the day, the tears are streaming down my face.
This little boy is so adorable and not just cute, even though he is VERY cute, but he has the sweetest spirit. He is so smiley, has been since the day he got here, so loveable, so snuggly. He gives endless baby hugs to those he knows and loves. He has the best giggle and even a really great fake laugh. He always seems to have the perfect reaction at the perfect time for just about all of life's moments. And he is still here. He is still in our life for one more day. Yes, we are hoping forever, though we still don't know just yet. But truthfully, not knowing makes you enjoy every single moment that much more. I'm not frustrated I got up at 4:30 this morning with him or that he dropped his entire basket of toys on the floor before the first sip of coffee even hit my lips. Yes, I get annoyed like every mom does, pretty much if he is crying, which is rare but he has changed the way I see the world. I appreciate the little things so much more. I appreciate the moments more. I rush less. I worry more because that's foster care but he changed my heart. And that changed heart was able to be open up enough to meet someone else whose life has equally been changed by him and this weekend we get to say “I Do” and honestly not sure if life would have played out the same way had little man not been here.
Foster care is so beautiful and so broken. But this little boy is just pure joy. So here is to a year little man of getting to be your mommy. I love you.